Due to the ongoing lockdown of business to address the ongoing inner-planetary pandemic we have decided to move our business online with a limited selection for the time being for your convenience (And because a small business needs to be "legal" to collect the loan offered by the galactic federation). We hope we can trust you to act taciturnly regarding all operations of our business including this website
Operating a website isn't cheap, patrons like you who make purchases are what keep us operating. If you enjoyed your purchase, don't be afraid to refer a friend!
About Us
*The following images are self-portraits by Carl And Niēbnob respectively because we do not want a visual record of our faces publicly available, however, we believe it is important for our customers to not think of us as faceless merchants.
We, Carl Johan Smith and Cornelius Niēbnob have been in the service industry for a long time (15 and 1,000 years respectively) so we know a thing or two about the world of business. While we may differ in our cultures and biological make-up, what we have in common is our deep respect for the frequenters of our industry and our refusal to disappoint any individual who chose us instead of any number of shops in the [REDACTED] Market. Neither rain nor sleet nor acid nor laws will keep us from bringing you great deals and products from across the cosmos. This is because while the worlds around us may change, the need of the people for quality goods and our dedication to meeting those needs will not.
Need to win a war? Carl And Niēbnob have got your back. Need to recuperate from losing a war? Carl And Niēbnob have got your back. Need something new just to expand your horizons and shake up your life a bit? Again, Carl and Niēbnob have got your back. Don't believe us? Then maybe you'll believe the following glowing testimonials:
"Carl And Niēbnob man, those guys...those guys get stuff done. I told them I was involved in the civil war on Gardon 9 and they didn't even ask what side I was on they just rang me up and wished me a nice day. They straight up didn't care about what I was gonna do or even about the money, they just wanted to make sure I had a good shopping experience. Not a lot of people like that anymore, real nice non-judgemental guys. Also, crazy stuff they got, buy from them quick cause they will just as easily sell to your enemies and you don't want to be on the other end of that."
- [REDACTED]
Unnamed War Lord
"I didn't get the chance to meet Carl but I did meet Niēbnob and he is just horrifying. I mean I've been around and I've seen things you wouldn't believe, and he never really gave me the feeling of being in 'danger' persay, but something about his natural presence is just unnerving. It's like when he looks you in the eyes it doesn't just feel like he sees he you it's like he's looking through you. Helped me carry my stuff to my car though, all-around pretty good shopping trip, I'll probably buy from them again if I'm in the area or if they deliver in the future {Which we do now!}."
- [REDACTED]
Unnamed Satisfied Customer
"I used my one phone call to tell them I wasn't gonna be able to get to the meet-up spot cause I got arrested and they freakin' busted me out, and it was only like a $30 dollar sale! That ain't even customer service anymore that's something else."
- [REDACTED]
Unnamed Free Man {Thanks to Carl And Niēbnob}